Colton Trilogy
by The Letter Z
Summary: James loves Lily. Lily loves James, but just doesnt know it yet. So what happens when James sends Lily a letter saying he gave her up? Three songfics brought to you by the letter Z
1. You Find a Way

_  
_Lily Evans was the best of the best. She was sweet, kind, beautiful, and intelligent was an understatement. She could have two girls fighting over a guy, and moments later they'd be best friends. Sure, sometimes she got a little angry, a little carried away, but she knew what she was doing. Some people just need to be yelled at to get the message through their thick skulls.

As she made her way up to her head dorm, she looked at all the kids she walked by. Some were short and wide, others tall and skinny. Then there were a few who were tall and wide, or short and skinny. It was amazing the diversity of the school.

Then, the farther she went her mind began to drift off. They ended up landing on the thing that drove her outside earlier that morning.

Lily closed her eyes and pictured it:

She woke up in a cold sweat, breathing hard. She just had a dream, well nightmare rather, about her parents being killed by Lord Voldemort. This was the third time that week, about twentieth time that month. So, she quietly made her way down and sat on the couch.

"You alright Evans?" a voice came from the darkness.

Lily automatically jumped up and took out her wand, but then, with the light from the fire, she saw it was Potter. "Oh, it's only you."

"Yes, only me, please don't kill me," James said, his hands raised in surrender.

Lily rolled her eyes and sat back down, "I won't, I'm just not in a good mood."

"Not a morning person, aye?" James laughed as he sat down next to her. However, once he looked at her, he noticed silent tears running down her face. "Oh, Lily what happened?"

"Bad dream," Lily admitted.

"There's no such thing as a bad dream," James pointed out, "Those are nightmares."

Lily smiled and shook her head, somehow he always knew what to say to make her smile. Over the last few months, she realized that she and James had been getting a lot closer. He wasn't the bullying toe rag he was in past years. "Fine, then I had a nightmare. James, how do you always know what to say?"

James reached his hand up and brushed away a tear. He swallowed hard, "I don't." Then, tentatively he leaned in to kiss her. He was surprised when she kissed him back.

Lily immediately came out of her memory. She ignored James ever since then. After he pulled away, she couldn't face him, so she ran. She ran long and hard to be away from him. Who was he to mess with her heart in such a way?

When Lily walked into her room, her emerald eyes quickly found a scarlet red note on her bed. At first she was worried it was a howler, but then she realized her parents didn't know what a howler was, so who else would send one?

As she got closer, she saw her name written in gold on the front in a very elegant cursive. She couldn't figure out who it could be from. Quickly, full of excitement, she dropped her school bag and jumped onto her bed, grabbing the note. She then read aloud. "Dear Lily;

_  
I'm writing you for the hundredth time cuz ninety nine I threw away  
And in my mind a thousand times I've said everything I wanna say  
I've said everything I wanna say"_

Lily quickly searched the entire page for a signature, but there was no way of knowing who it was, there was no name anywhere except for her own. Was this a love confession or something? So she kept reading._  
_

"_But you find a way to keep me hanging on  
You find a way to make everything go wrong  
It's the way you lose me  
Say you choose me  
Then pass me by like you never knew me  
You find a way to lead me on"_

She now knew who it was. It was James. But what did he mean? How did she make everything go wrong? Was it all the times he asked her out and she said no. She let out a sigh, she just didn't get it._  
_

"_I change my mind a thousand times but circumstances stay the same  
I told you no an hour ago  
I've said everything I wanna say  
I've said everything I need to say"_

Lily swallowed hard. He had tried to talk to her earlier, and she let him. However, when he brought up the kiss, she ignored it. The scene quickly flashed through her head.

"Come on Lily, I just need an answer." James practically begged.

"I can't give you an answer James, I barely know what's going on! I need some time." She replied calmly, taking a deep breath.

"But what about me Lily?" James asked, "I can't stand the time you're taking. It's been two days and you haven't spoken to me once!" He was hurting, and no matter how hard Lily tried, she couldn't stop her self from hurting him. She didn't want to, but she couldn't control it.

Once again Lily shook herself out of a memory. And then with another deep breath, she read aloud to herself._  
_

"_But you find a way to keep me hanging on  
You find a way to make everything go wrong  
It's the way you lose me  
Say you choose me  
Then pass me by like you never knew me  
Til I find a way of moving on"  
_

Even though Lily still wasn't sure if she liked James or not, or at least in a boyfriend type of way, the two words 'moving on' made her blood go cold. He couldn't honestly mean it? He always said he'd pursue her until she fell for him, he promised!

Then, Lily froze. He did it. He had finally managed to win her over. She couldn't stop thinking about him, she didn't want him with someone else. She couldn't believe it, somehow James Potter weaseled his way into her heart and soul.

"_And when I think I've figured out  
I've found a way to live without  
You come around and everything's all wrong  
I'm waking up alone at night remembering when the time was right  
You're only here a moment then you're gone"  
_

He was right, Lily mentally cursed herself. She was leading him on, she'd go downstairs in her shorts and a small, tight tank top. She told herself that it was only to show him what he couldn't have, but she was lying to herself. She knew she liked James. She loved the way he looked at her, and she loved the way he said her name. Even if he said her last name, his voice was always filled with affection for her.

"_You find a way to keep me hanging on  
You find a way to make everything go wrong  
It's the way you lose me  
Say you choose me  
Then pass me by like you never knew me  
You find a way to lead me on"_

Lily didn't bother to read the last block of writing, she had to find James. She had to apologize, say he was right. She just had to find him, kiss him, hug him.

As fast as she possibly could, she ran to the Heads common room. When she couldn't spot him, she ran up to his room, but he wasn't there either. Without even thinking, her feet began to lead her to the Gryffindor common room.

She quickly said the password and ran into the room. That's when she found him. But he wasn't alone.

On his lap was Lily's best friend, Melinda Heart. It was obvious the two were together. And no, it wasn't the sitting in his lap that gave the new couple away, it was the fact that they were snogging.

The two looked up. Melinda blushed, "Oh, hi Lily."

"Hey Lin," Lily plastered a smile on her face.

"Did you want something?" Melinda questioned, quite flustered.

"I just wanted to tell Potter something." Lily smiled sweetly and then turned her attention to James, "James, you were right. I do make everything go wrong."

And with that said, the redhead ran from the Gryffindor common room back to her own room. She had never been more thankful for the head dorms. She quickly jumped onto her bed and cried herself to sleep. Not caring one bit to finish reading the letter.

_Til I find a way of moving on  
You find a way you lead me on  
I'll find a way  
I'm movin on_


	2. Telescope

There was no one in Hogwarts like James Potter. Sure, there were other quidditch players. And yet, it's true there were other spoiled kids. And yep, there were other boys, other people with black hair, and other people with hazel eyes. But nobody was like James.

In school, people were quite worried about reputations, and since he stepped foot on Platform 9 ¾ seven years ago, he had a reputation. Nothing could break it for he was known as an amazingly skilled and hot clown. Jokes were his thing. And soon, late in his fourth year, he discovered a talent for making people laugh. However, when he first did it, it was not meant to be funny.

In the fourth year, five days after his birthday, James asked the girl of his dreams to go to Hogsmeade with him. Lily Evans seemed untouchable. She was so brilliant, and beautiful, and just everything about her screamed amazing.

She simply said no to him. In front of all his friends, in front of all her friends, and in front of a rather malicious group of Slytherins. By the end of the day, the entire school was looking at him like he was an abandoned little six year old. The next time he got his courage up, she turned him down again. But instead of letting anyone, especially her, seeing him hurt, he made it into a joke.

Looking back, it was obviously not the best joke, but James had a reputation to live up to. He had to be mischievous, it was in his blood. It's much better to make someone think you're doing it on purpose, it's not good letting them know they've hurt you.

"Mister Potter!" Professor McGonagall threw a wad of paper at the boy. He jerked his head up, he may not have been sleeping, but he wasn't paying attention. And in learning human transfigurations, paying attention was key. "Am I boring you, Mister Potter?"

"No Professor." James yawned. He really then wanted to smack himself. Yawning and saying she wasn't boring was like saying he hated cake then eating the whole thing.

"Well, let's hope I don't bore you tonight at detention. Meet me here at eight o'clock, sharp." McGonagall instructed. James just wrote it down in his planner, flashed a famous James Potter smile, and then began to take notes.

That night, James arrived fifteen minutes early. He didn't want to spend another moment with Melinda Heart, his stand in girlfriend. She, along with Sirius, convinced James that he needed to move on from Lily. However, Melinda seemed a little too eager for James to start dating.

"Do my eyes deceive me?" McGonagall questioned, "James Potter is early for a detention."

"It's a sure sign the apocalypse is coming." James replied sarcastically. "So Minny, what's my punishment for today?"

The professor rolled her eyes at the affectionate nickname he and Sirius Black decided to give her. That's just what you get when the kids hear the adults use first names. "Today you will be scrubbing the telescopes in the astronomy tower."

James placed his wand on her desk, and the two way mirror she discovered he and Sirius had only a few detentions ago. This wasn't necessary, but he felt like he needed to be truly alone, and McGonagall gave him the perfect situation to be alone.

McGonagall just raised a suspicious eyebrow, "I'll check up on you soon."

"Yes, ma'am." James replied and then left for the astronomy tower.

Once he got there, he quickly got to work. He polished and scrubbed a few before he looked through one and saw a shadow of a person on the edge of the lake.

_  
Up here alone in this room  
Watching you come into view  
Off in the distance where I want you to stay  
Can't get you out of my mind  
I'm tired of passing the time  
I've got your picture and all I can do is try to look away_

It was obvious who it was. Even in the faint light of the crescent moon, he could see her bright, fiery red hair. He slowly pulled away from the telescope and sat down, leaning against the stone wall. He could only think about her and her kiss.

"You alright Evans?" James asked as he came out of the darkness of the shadows.

Lily automatically jumped up and took out her wand, but then, with the light from the fire, she saw it was James and her shoulders relaxed. "Oh, it's only you."

James raised his arms for she still had her wand pointed at him. "Yes, only me, please don't kill me."

Lily rolled her eyes and sat back down on the couch. James took a few step closer as she yawned and said, "I won't, I'm just not in a good mood."

"Not a morning person, aye?" James laughed as he sat down next to her. From the light of the fire, he could see a tear streak down her cheek "Oh, Lily what happened?"

"Bad dream," Lily with a small sniffle.

"There's no such thing as a bad dream," James pointed out, a small smirk on his face, "Those are nightmares."

Lily shook her head with a small laugh. Oh how James loved her laugh. "Fine, then I had a nightmare. James, how do you always know what to say?"

James reached his hand up and brushed away a tear. He swallowed hard, "I don't." Then, tentatively he leaned in to kiss her. He was surprised when she kissed him back.

James shook himself out of his memory before he got to the part where he pulled away. It wasn't because he decided he didn't want to, but he wanted another look at the brilliant green emeralds she had for eyes. However, she stood up and ran. He hadn't gotten a chance to tell her everything was going to be alright.

_  
You're in my telescope  
You don't wanna get too close  
It's easy to stay where you feel safe  
You circle around at night and shine like a satellite  
It's easier when you're far away  
_

He couldn't help but sneak another glance at the girl of his dreams. He wished he could just run out there and hold her. Only to feel her lips against his one last time, he'd die a happy man.

He pulled away again and went to the other side of the circular room; he had to get as far away from her as possible. He wasn't good for her; he had come to realize she deserved someone so much better.

_  
You disappear in the crowd  
I scream but don't make a sound  
I never know when you might come back again  
So close but don't let me in  
You still get under my skin and it's showing  
And all I can do is try to look away_

James kept cleaning for another half an hour only to come across the ones facing the lake. With a sigh, he began to clean, hoping she'd have already gone in. She was going to catch a cold.

For about fifteen minutes, James sat in silence, cleaning the same lens. That was until he was interrupted by the sound of Professor McGonagall's voice, "You don't have to be that thorough."

James' head snapped towards the teacher. She looked as if she had been there for quite some time. "Oh, hello Professor."

"I can finish up here, Potter. I think you need to get some sleep." McGonagall suggested.

"No, that's alright." James said, it was the first time a student chose not to leave detention early in McGonagall's entire teaching career.

"Alright then, just remember to not scratch the lens." McGonagall replied and then left the room. James just took a look through the telescope. The telescope was lined up for a perfect view of Lily Evans sitting on the shore.__

You're in my telescope  
You don't wanna get too close  
It's easy to stay where you feel safe  
You circle around at night and shine like a satellite  
It's easier when you're far away

James began to debate in his mind ditching detention and running down to her. But what if she said no again? At least with Melinda he knew she never would leave him; she liked the attention she got for being James Potter's girlfriend way too much. What if Lily broke his heart for good the next time he asked? He was actually rather surprised he was functioning because every time he saw here with a smile that lit up her eyes, his heart broke a little bit more.

_I'm a fool for every move  
For coming back to you  
I'm a fool afraid of love  
_

James rubbed his watering eyes and went back to cleaning. Blocking his mind from thinking about anything at all. Now, he just had to keep it up for five more months and hope Lily chooses to become anything but an Auror for if she were in Auror training too, he would not be able to restrain himself.

Finally, half an hour later, James looked through the last telescope and froze. She seemed to be looking directly at him, but he was way too far up for that to be true, right?

He felt as if her green eyes were piercing through his soul, and it pained him to see that she was sad. She had tears tracing down her pale, freckled cheeks. It was right then James knew he had to break up with Melinda. He belonged to Lily, even if she didn't belong to him.

_You're in a telescope  
You don't wanna get too close  
It's easy to stay where you feel safe  
_

"Potter," McGonagall's voice filled the room. "It's passed eleven, I think you've been here plenty long enough.

James turned towards him. It felt as if just minutes ago he had cleaned the last telescope. But when he looked through it again, Lily was long gone.

"Potter?" McGonagall questioned, he didn't seem to be responding, "You missed dinner, I'll give you a note to go to the kitchens. I take it you already know where they are?"

James pulled away from the telescope and nodded. He then reached out and grabbed the note she held out to him. "Thank you, professor." Slowly, he got up and begun to leave.

But just before he got out of the room, McGonagall quietly said, "It's easy to stay where you feel safe, but since when has James Potter done what's easy?"

James looked at his teacher, who in turn sent him a small smile. James returned it, "Thanks, Professor." And with that, he was gone.

_  
You're in my telescope  
You don't wanna get too close  
It's easy to stay where you feel safe  
You circle around at night and shine like a satellite  
It's easier when you're far away  
_


	3. Best Days

James exited the common room, wanting to get away from Melinda's cries. He had just broken up with her, and now, he needed to find Lily. While he ran to the Heads' dorms to get the Marauder's Map, he thought of what he could say to Lily.

But, no matter what she said, this was going to be the last time he put his heart on the line. He hated seeing his own, sad reflection in her emerald eyes.

He wasn't looking where he was going so when he hit someone, he fell on top of them. When he looked down, he saw bright green eyes looking up into his hazel ones. He was then able to choke out, "Lily."

Lily's cheeks reddened, the two were in a rather compromising position. "Hey James, did you want something?"

James sighed, "No." He couldn't ask her out, not like that. So he let out a long sigh, stood up, and then helped her up.

When she stood, James noticed she looked absolutely stunning in pants and a girly top. Her make up was fierce and her red locks came down in curls. She looked so absolutely stunning, James found it hard to breathe. Lily gave him a questionable look, "James, are you alright?"

"Yeah," he began to take deep breaths. "Where you going?"

"A date," Lily smiled.

James could literally hear his heart break into a million pieces. He chocked back tears, "Well, I'll leave you to it." And with that, he left.

_  
With everything I've ever done  
I'd give it all to everyone for one more day  
Another night I'm waking through  
Anther door I walk intro  
I can't break  
_

Lily kept walking through the halls, wiping away the tear from her eye, being very careful to not mess up her make up. Telling James she had a date with another guy was worse then walking in on him and Miranda.

Miranda. Her supposed best friend. The two were both Muggleborn kids who met on the train ride. Miranda always suspected on some level Lily liked James, and she'd tell Lily that weekly. But now she was dating James? It just wasn't right.

"Lily?" A questioning voice came through her thoughts. She looked up, and smiling down at her was Lee Chang, the smartest, and one of the cutest seventh year Ravenclaw.

"Hey Lee," Lily put on a smile. He leaned in and gave her a hug. Lily's mind immediately flashed to the last time James held her in his arms._  
_

_It's a winding road  
It's a long way home  
_

"Lily?" James called as he came down the stairs to the common room. She had no reason how he knew she was down there, he seemed to always turn up when she couldn't sleep. "Lily, are you down here?"

"Yeah," Lily replied, holding in her sniffle. Today had been the five year anniversary of her father's death; it was just hard to deal with sometimes.

"Why are you up so late?" James questioned as he sat in the armchair across from the couch she was on.

Lily looked up at him, she wasn't sure she wanted him to know. However, when she looked up she noticed that he noticed the tears on her cheeks. But James just got up, sat down next to her and stopped her from wiping her tears away.

"It's okay," James cooed, "Cry, just let it out." And with that, Lily cried in his shoulder as he held onto her and slowly rocked her back and forth.

"Lily?" Lee asked, dragging her out of her day dream.

_  
So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late  
Cuz these are the best days  
There's always something tomorrow  
So I say let's make the best of tonight  
Here comes the rest of our lives  
_

"Another guy," James sighed to himself. "Another guy." He began to find it harder to breathe. But if Lily could move on, so could he.

Then that annoying voice in his head told him he decided to move on first, and then it pointed out she wouldn't be moving on. She never liked him in the first place. And suddenly, that pain in his heart returned full force. She never liked him.

He had dreamed over her liking him so many times. Holding her like he did on the anniversary of her father's death. He was so close to her he could smell her strawberry shampoo, and it was almost fate how perfectly their bodies fit together.

"James," Lily started as she pulled away, "Thanks."

He reached forward and wiped her remaining tears away. "There's no need to thank me."

"But there is," Lily yawned, "This is the first time I can go to sleep on this day in the last five years, knowing it'll all be okay." She then kissed him on the cheek and disappeared into her room.

"It'll always be okay," James said in a whisper to himself more than for her.

_I count the steps the distance to  
The time when it was me and you is so far gone  
Another face another friend  
Another place another end but I'll hang on  
_

James wiped a tear away from his own eye as he sat down on the cold grass. When he looked up, he saw a nearly full moon. His mind now flashed to when he had detention in the astronomy tower, and how peaceful Lily looked under the silver light. He recalled just how angelic she looked.

_It's a winding road  
It's a long way home  
_

James suddenly stood up when he heard voices. He looked towards the castle doors and saw Lee Chang come out with...Lily Evans?

James quickly rubbed his eyes. Lee Chang? He was only interested in girls for their looks to prove he, a nerd, could get a decent looking girl. But of course Lily wouldn't know that, she was too sweet. She didn't face the evils of the world.

Lee wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulder and she shot him a smile. This felt like a shot to his heart to James. He wanted to be the one with his arm around Lily's shoulder; he wanted to be the one to make her smile.

Never had he wanted to punch someone as badly as he wanted to punch Lee the moment the Ravenclaw made Lily laugh. That's how James first fell in love with her, her laugh.

"James, hurry up!" Sirius called as he dragged James out of the Great Hall and through the castle. "We're going to be late!"

James laughed at his twelve year old best friend, "Since when do you care about getting in on time?"

Sirius looked back at James, "I hear today we get to make in invisibility potion, how cool would that be?"

James stopped in his tracks. "Sirius, are you aware I have an invisibility cloack?"

"Yes I am," Sirius said, matter of factly. "But I want to make the potion!" Sirius complained and went back to running. James had no choice but to follow.

When they reached the class, they found they had ten more minutes before class started. James smacked Sirius on the back of the head and then headed for his seat. Suddenly, a small giggle came from the doorway.

James looked up to see the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. She had short, fiery red hair and emeralds for eyes. "You have food all over your face." She managed to get out between giggles.

_So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late  
Cuz these are the best days  
There's always something tomorrow  
So I say let's make the best of tonight  
Yeah let's make the best of tonight  
Here comes the rest of our lives  
_

That was back in second year. James was now seventeen, as was Lily. She didn't get amused anymore when he came into class with syrup on his cheek. But she was still the most beautiful, innocent girl he'd ever fallen for.

And, in a split second decision, he jumped up and ran for Lily.

_  
It's a winding road  
It's a long way home  
_

"Lily!" he called out as he sprinted towards her, "LILY!"

A rather shocked Lily turned around to see the quidditch captain heading towards her and Lee. Lee, who knew James had a thing for Lily, turned her towards him, "Why don't we go inside?"

"Not now," Lily said, "I have to see what he wants."

By now, James was only a few feet from his beloved. "I can't do it. I tried, and believe me, I really did try, but I can't stop this feeling. I have to tell you, and I don't care if you don't feel the same way, because there's only one today, and I might not have another tomorrow."

"James, what are you talking about?" Lily interrupted.

"I love you Lily. I'd give my life if I could hold you for just an hour. I know you think I'm this egotistical guy, but I'm not. I only acted like that; I couldn't let you break my heart. If I acted like that, I knew you weren't rejecting me but rejecting a guy I knew was a jerk. But here I am, putting the real life James Potter out into the open for all to see.

"I'm that guy who held you on the anniversary of the day your dad died, and comforted you every time you came down from a bad dream. You know as well as I do that I can make you smile or laugh in spite of what you thought I was. We have to make the best of now, and the only way I can make the best of my life is with you by my side. I know I've messed up, but everyone messes up every now and again. I promise, and now, I'm begging you on my knees." And as he said this, he got down on both his knees, "Just give me one chance, because I don't want to wait to for someone to tell me it's too late and I'm gone, or you're gone, or married. All I ask is one chance."

_  
So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late  
Cuz these are the best days  
There's always something tomorrow  
So I say let's make the best of it  
So don't wait cuz no-one can tell you it's too late  
Cuz these are the best days  
There's always something tomorrow  
So I say let's make the best of tonight  
Yeah let's make the best of tonight_

Lily stared down at the kneeling boy in front of her. Never, not even in the movies had she seen such a romantic speech. It may not be as poetic or fluff as some of the movies, but she could see every emotion in his bright hazel eyes. It was so just so much, a few tears of joy slowly trickled from her eyes.

"Oh my goodness, don't cry Lily," James hopped up to his feet. Neither of them seemed to notice Lee who was still standing in the background. "I didn't mean for you to be hurt, I just didn't want it to be too late."

"James," Lily smiled, "I'm crying out of joy. I know in the past I was harsh, but that bullying toe rag got in the way."

"So Lily, what do you say, will you be my girlfriend?" James questioned hopefully.

Lily threw her arms around James' neck and brought his lips down to her own for a passionate kiss. Lily could almost feel James' happiness radiate off of him.

When the two pulled apart, neither noticed Lee had headed back up to the castle. They were too busy staring into each other's eyes. "Of course James," Lily smiled, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

_We'll make the best of tonight  
Here comes the rest of our lives_


End file.
